Wishing all of the Mother's a very Happy Mother's Day. Today has been a rainy day. Thunderstorms. It's been so soothing. I was able to take a little nap. When I woke up from my nap, I decided to read a few pages from a book I purchased a few days ago. As many may know and for those that do not know, I am a spiritual empowerment lifestyle coach/teacher. Intuitively I choose a book by Sylvia Browne called "The Other Side and Back". I opened the book to a chapter 3 about relationships and families, I was guided by Spirit to open the book and begin reading. I did just that. The face that I had never really read books about this author nor did I know she too is a survivor of being in an abusive relationship further confirms why I must share these words to you. Because there are times we must hear it the words "get out of an abusive relationship" more than once, twice, three times in order to realize we must take action. Nothing happens unless we take action.
God didn't create any of us to be miserable. What misery we wrote into our blueprints is there for us to overcome, not to put up with and even encourage
There is help available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233. You do not have to live in misery, but you must take action to get out of there. I've often said, you will reach a point when you realize you can not change anyone and that you can only change yourself. You come to a point that you must listen to your inner voice that soul within that is crying out for help. Even if it means leaving everything behind. I am sending you so much light and love filled with courage from above so that you can being to overcome any obstacles in your life that keep you from living your happiest, healthiest, and loving life now!
I recently interviewed a Domestic Violence Survivor.
Read all about this interview
I have shed that innocence away from my youthful eyes
There comes a day in our toxic relationships, be it with a friend, lover, or someone from our family, that the veil is lifted. Suddenly we see them not for who they led us to believe them to be, but for exactly who they are. Their charms and manipulations become transparent. We begin to look for a way to cope— always questioning if we shouldn’t just be looking for a way out.
We reference the five stages of grief as a process we go through to cope with loss. Most commonly, it refers to death or a terminal illness. It is, as if, we who endure a toxic relationship are not allowed to cope with such a process ourselves. We must cope with the stigma of walking away from someone we committed our lives to. We must cope with the manipulations from the person who psychologically tortured us. We must move past those fears of abandonment.
I wrote Through the Trees as a means to endure the grieving process. Within the pages of poetry is the deep emotional hurts that faced in each stage of grief, but it also lead to my freedom. I hoped, by allowing myself to connect to each stage, it would assist me in moving from one stage to the next. I challenged myself finally be able to move on free from bitterness or any ill grievances. I wrote it completely in metaphor and symbolism.
Here is how I applied the five stages of grief to ending my toxic relationships.
A toxic person will shroud their intentions in charm. We fall for them. We love them. It is exactly the way they want it to be. Every velvety word, every seemingly gentle touch is nothing more than a ruse. When we are spellbound by them, it is as if a heavy fog has surrounded us. We become lost.
When deception is realized, anger creeps in. We might be angry with ourselves for being so blind or angry that the person we entrusted ourselves to could be so incredibly hurtful. A battle ensues for our self-respect, but someone who has conditioned us so well to doubt ourselves and follow their lead is usually victorious. The anger still writhes under our surface anxiously plotting an escape.
Seemingly defeated, it is not difficult to comprehend this mid-stage. The emotional captor has us under a spell. Feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt consume us. You doubt our worth, and our self-esteem suffers. Sadness fills our days, and depression sets in. We allow ourselves to fill the position that the toxic relationship requires us to occupy. To them, we are no more than an endless pathological supply of self-fulfillment. Our own needs fail to be met or even acknowledged. If we venture outside of this position, we are quickly dismissed and firmly placed back where we belong.
Perhaps we can only endure so much. We begin to see our suffering as unnecessary and pointless. We look for a way to make it all work and for them to have their cake and eat it too. It is the greatest challenge we can embark on and it always leads to epic failure. Our happiness and well being is of no concern to them. Their only hope is that we abide by their rule. Our suffering is what pleases them the most. Alas, still we ponder perfection. We ponder changing ourselves for them. Then we have the age old thought that we can help them change. We attempt to make an exchange. If I do this, then they will not have to do that. I will no longer hurt or be hurt. We can both be happy.
We did all we could do and yet the cycle still continues. We have been alienated from anyone’s rescue. We have endured baiting, blaming, and bullying. We have been gas lighted, groomed, and manipulated. There comes a day when playing the victim is no longer an option. Being a scapegoat is no longer tolerated. We execute that escape. It’s time to let go.
This emotional journey is like walking in the woods and getting terribly lost. In the end, we must dig down to whatever inner strength we have left and hike our way out. In this journey, you are not alone. Let us embrace each step towards reclaiming our willpower and self worth. When the journey finally reaches its conclusions, may we stand and look back finally able to see the forest through the trees.
Guest Blog Post by Nina C. Palmer
Note from Overcoming Verbal Abuse Founder - Nancy Santana
As someone that has gone through all of these five stages through my journey at overcoming verbal abuse. It is so important to invest in your healing.
Much light & love <3
Founder - Overcoming Verbal Abuse
Time comes and goes so quickly. Today I asked myself what can I give you as a token of my light & love. So many of you have shared your story with me. So many share, comment, and continue to support my Overcoming Verbal Abuse Facebook page. As some of you may know. I am a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner / Empowerment Lifestyle Coach / Intuitive Healer. Many of you that have been with me since day 1 back in June of 2011 when I began my page that I was still living with my abuser. I didn't leave until April of 2012.
I have shared that positive affirmations, meditation, and changing my attitude to a gratitude state changed my life. I shared with you how I would download these positive affirmations onto my iPod and listen to them over and over again while I did household chores etc.
I wanted to give you all a special gift. This gift is an mp3 downloadable of my Positive Affirmations CD ($9.99 value) for free. All you have to do is visit my website by clicking on this link FREE GIFT. Follow the instructions. I know that this will be a blessing in your life. My intention is that you be blessed, loved, supported, and empowered to live a happy life!
I am so happy to offer this to you. If you know of someone that may need this please feel free to forward this post to them so they may benefit of this special gift.
Sending all my love & light.
For those that have been with me since Day 1 - June 29, 2011 - you know how emotional the last few years have been.....so it is only right that I begin 2015 clearing out negative energy from my past....negative items that no longer serve me.
I want to thank you all for being a part of my journey, for sharing your stories with me, for sharing my post, and for commenting on my post....thank you for sharing Overcoming Verbal Abuse!
I had so much to share that I blogged about it on my site - Nancy Santana - please visit and read on....
Founder of O.V.A.
I am reading the book "Women Who Run With the Wolves" By Clarissa Pinkola Estes. It's been on the New York's BESTSELLER List two years. I highly recommend it to all the woman out there. It's a very profound book and my suggestion is to read no more than 2 to 3 pages a day.
I came across this sentence. As I read it, I can recall during my 15 years relationship in which I was "hiding" from the devastation of being abused (life)....I was bleeding inside. I can honestly say that I was so tired of pretending everything was "fine" in front of others that my life's energy was at a loss. I quietly suffered from depression. I can recall times I would cry into a pillow and yell into it saying " I can't take this anymore" and there were times I wanted to run away. My soul was yelling for help.
It wasn't until I went to an abusive counseling appointment in which I recognized my predator (abuser) for what he was.....he was verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusing me. It had started with physical abuse. He would break my property just because he got mad. I have several cell phones which were broken. And two computers.
As I read this sentence I thought about those woman that haven't recognize that they are in an abusive relationship.
It's so important to get help and remove yourself from that relationship.
I just want to thank all of you for your prayers, support, words of encouragement throughout that last two years. It hasn't been easy waiting to "get my day in court" the wait has been hard and long overdue. Today, I raised my right hand and swore to say the truth. My heart is free of guilt because I KNOW I did just that.....while others lied.
I AM and will ALWAYS be a good mother. I was always there for my children. I gave birth to 3 children and I love them equally the same!
I was an abused wife for over 15 years. What started as physical, turned into emotional, physiological, and verbal. Unless you live through that you don't know how you are slowly dying inside.
I have countless of stories that will be shared in the book I plan to write.
I am a free woman today. I pray that God controls the rest.
My past is behind me. I will only speak of my past to encourage, inspire, and motivate woman to seek help and get out of any type of abusive relationship.
I was a victim for too long. I waited and waited....it has all been for my life purpose but if anyone is in an abusive relationship you need to get out NOW! Don't wait until your children are big and the other person can turn them against you as it has happen to me.
I have OVERCOME VERBAL ABUSE!
Hi, my name is Nancy. I am a survivor of domestic violence. It was physical, than emotional and lots of verbal abuse. I am a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner. Specializing in Empowerment Lifestyle Coaching. I am the mother of 3 kids. I love to exercise, sing, read, learn, and inspiring others to live a fulfilled and happy life. Feel free to share these blog post and my Facebook page. Leave your comments as I love to hear from you.