* Feelings do not govern abusive or controlling behavior; beliefs, values, and habits are the driving forces.
* The reasons that an abusive man gives for his behavior are simply excuses. There is no way to overcome a problem with abusiveness by focusing on tangents such as self-esteem, conflict resolution, anger management, or impulse control. Abusiveness is resolved by dealing with abusiveness.
* Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself.
* There is nothing wrong with you. Your partner's abuse problem is his own.